The DDFL prides itself on impartiality, as such the commissioner has brought in experienced draft analyst Chaz Stormy to see how each team measures up going into the season.
About the author:
Chaz Stormy is a renowned fantasy football analyst with a PhD in statistics and other things from the Gridiron University. He currently is a freelance writer and full time blogger. His blog Fantasy Football & Boxed Wine is the preeminent Franzia related blog. Can be bribed to give better grades with pictures of your feet.
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Grades are based on value at given draft position. Comparing where a player was picked versus expectation. Expectation is based on FantasyPro's Expert Consensus Rank or ECR. Positional value is then added and is calculated based on last years #1 vs replacement level.
The former champion is off to another great start. Starting off with the 1st round getting the overwhelming consensus #1 at pick 4 pretty much set the tone for this draft. GARF was able to extract value at ever single draft slot with the exception of the roster filler picks of DST and K. He was tied for the best WR draft, and had by far the best TE draft based on value.
When asked about his historic draft GARF had this to say: "I know most people would thank God in this position, but I really owe all this to the stupidity of my league mates. Without them my greatness would not be possible. I am truly grateful to have such a group of people surrounding me, their toaster level IQ is what lifts me up everyday!" It truly will be an uphill battle for the rest of the league to keep GARF from repeating as champion. Draft Grade - A+
Best Pick - All of them Worst pick - None of them |
After getting 2nd place in 2020, Sarah is back with a vengeance and a dumber name! Now with a PhD, she is proving that she is a step above the koala-intellect having masses that populate the DDFL.
Despite having a solid roster, there are some holes to fill, not just the one that she wishes was filled by WR who have played for the Vikings. WR2 does seem to be the weakest part of her roster, but she did have a good WR draft overall, but she is hoping that one of Sutton, Evans, Boyd, or Samuel can fit in her gap (who knows, maybe more than one!).
Best Pick - Courtland Sutton, WR - Round 8, Pick 78
89 Worst pick - Cleveland Browns DST - Round 13, Pick 123 (-98 vs ECR) 13 |
Unfortunately for Ellie, all her good picks came very late in the draft. These high upside players have potential but have a high chance of being on the waiver wire at some point. Ellie's draft was not all that noteworthy, until.... she spit in the face of her former coach GARF and took Koo, a kicker, in the 11th round. Since the draft, her husband/coach GARF, will only been referring to her as Koo-ter. The chances Ellie misses the playoffs is about as high as her chances of landing in jail after murdering GARF.
The only explanation is that feet make it monsoon season in Ellie's pants taking a kicker above guys like Ryan Tannehill, Michael Thomas, James Connor, and Laviska Shenault. And to think, that I let her give me blow jobs once... ahem... give GARF blow jobs once. Draft Grade :
Best Pick - Marquise Brown, WR - Round 14, Pick 139 (+23 vs ECR)
89 Worst pick - Younghoe Koo, K - Round 11, Pick 102 (-71 vs ECR) 0 |
Larry's tried and true method of auto-drafting served him much better this year, a testament to how bad the draft went for most of the DDFL. Larry is the Dalton-line of the DDFL, he is the benchmark for average. That means that if you are below him on this ranking you would have been better off spending the draft doing what I assume you do on every Sunday night, masturbate while eating Cheetos. Take a deep look in the mirror and realize that you are a lesser person than this silicone hunk.
This year Larry has changed his name to a more famous rubber fuck doll, Shailene Woodley. A true pioneer proving that just because you're plastic doesn't mean you can't be fantastic.
Draft Grade :
Best Pick - Kenny Golladay, WR - Round 8, Pick 74 (+15 vs ECR)
82 Worst pick - Kareem Hunt, RB - Round 6, Pick 54 (-8 vs ECR) 23 |
James was multitasking on the night of the draft, simultaneously watching some Canadian soap opera called Soccer, and picking the future of this team. It definitely affected his performance. His draft could best be described as a cat in heat on meth. He had some of the best picks of the draft, and some of the worst. Sometimes he was on the top of the world, others he was trying to shank someone all to reach the highs of Antonio Gibson in the 3rd.
Similarly my faith in humanity was on the roller coaster ride that was James' draft. In the second round I was thinking that a purge was in order, only to be restored by Antonio Gibson in the 3rd and Tee Higgins in the 8th. He then dashed my hopes for us as a species by taking a kicker in the 11th, making me hope that COVID had simply wiped us out. But he did leave me on a somewhat positive note taking Jalen Hurts in the 14th. Gibson and Hurts both graded out as the top values at their position, but James was still able to drag his grade all the way down to a 67 overall. He is both the Titanic and the Iceberg. Draft Grade :
Best Pick : Antonio Gibson - Round 3, Pick 25 (+12 vs ECR)
100 Worst Pick : Lamar Jackson - Round 2, Pick 16 (-41 vs ECR) 0 |
Our first of the two newbies to the DDFL. Hiller wins the award for the worst Sperry, and possibly the worst team name. Hiller obvious learned what the Google is and searched "Good Fantasy Football Team Names", which isn't in itself bad, but he then chose this as the best of the bunch.... when he doesn't have Mahomes on his roster...
Somehow, despite going WR WR WR in the first three, and then taking a tug break after the 9th round Hiller still out-performed 4 of you. Needless to say Hiller will be the most popular trade partner in the league as he is is looking at all of our RBs like a cocaine filled donut. I don't see a path where the Sperry's take 1, 2, 3, and 4 when they have the anchor that is Hiller, who is destined to be bottom half of the DDFL. At least being a bottom is a position he is comfortable in.
The most unforgiveable pick was Cooper Kupp. Taking a second WR on the Rams over guys like AJ Brown, Ceedee Lamb, Allen Robinson, Mike Evans, and Terry McLaurin is unforgivable especially since he didn't even have an RB yet. Draft Grade :
Best Pick : T.J. Hockenson, TE - Round 7, Pick 68 (+20 vs ECR)
100 Worst Pick : Cooper Kupp, WR - Round 3, Pick 28 (-16 vs ECR) 6 |
Travis was as predictable as a POC / Police encounter. I chalk up Travis' poor showing the fact that he was holding both Andy Reid and Nick Saban in each of his hands, and much to their dismay, he had to use his tongue to draft taking just enough time to say "Roll Tide!" between picks.
I 100% believe that Travis is shocked by this, and thinks he obviously had the best draft because he got 2 Bama boys and 2 Chiefs, which in his mind will bring a "championship culture" to his locker room. The Badgers are hurting for depth, especially after Travis immediately traded his 8th and 11th round picks (two of his best picks of the draft) for Larry's 10th round pick, Matt Stafford. Nobody told him he was allowed to draft Stafford in the 8th, 9th, or even 10th round I guess....
Draft Grade :
Best Pick : Michael Gallup, WR - Round 14, Pick 131 (+37 vs ECR)
100 Worst Pick : Josh Jacobs, HB - Round 3, Pick 30 (-13 vs ECR) 13 |
Clayton recently changed his name to Unlike Agholor, which is surprising because he definitely drops the ball like Agholor. Hoping to make a good impression in his debut to the DDFL he could have done more than showing up to the party with poop on his upper lip.
He didn't make any abysmal picks, rather just found a way to overdraft at 10 out of 15 picks. I guess he is a "go with my gut" kinda guy; too bad he's mistaken his gut with his colon. Through the first 3 rounds it looked like Clayton would be a real competitor, only to follow it up with picking Aaron Rodgers three and a half rounds before expected. Apparently he thinks that Larry is going to protect his QB's blindside with Bahktiari out. After that it was all downhill, as Clayton's NFL knowledge obviously doesn't last more that the top 30 players. Draft Grade :
Best Pick : Jerry Jeudy, WR - Round 8, Pick 75 (+12 vs ECR)
70 Worst Pick : Aaron Rodgers, Fuckboi - Round 4 Pick 35 (-32 vs ECR) 8 |
Donn will try to blame this ranking on the fact that Nina (his fiance) had to step in for several late round picks, but we all know who the better half of that relationship is.
Somehow Donn's best pick, Latavius Murray, isn't even on an NFL roster anymore (he has still yet to drop him). Even mediocrity seems out of reach for this pint-sized member of the DDFL. What he lacks in inches he makes up for in heart, he is that lovable runt of the litter who always does his best. Sometimes his best is just avoiding soiling himself and licking the handrails of the CTA, and that deserves a gold star.
Draft Grade :
Best Pick : Latavius Murray, RB - Round 15, Pick 149 (+7 vs ECR)
85 Worst Pick : Noah Fant, TE - Round 7, Pick 69 (-12 vs ECR) 21 |
sDebbie for two years in a row gets a flat zero for her draft. She is undeserving of a write up. She came into MY house opened up my box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, took a shit in it and left without saying "thank you". Last year I trusted Travis that she was some type of wizard, and her nutso draft strategy always worked. Travis obviously confused that guy under the bridge for a wizard. TRAVIS THOSE ARE NOT MAGIC CRYSTALS YOU SHOULD NOT SMOKE THEM!!!!
To appreciate how historically bad Debbie is at drafting I was totally unable to use mock drafts to prepare this year because it was unrealistic as I knew Debbie would take Mahomes 1 overall, and a kicker in the 9th. To truly appreciate how bad it was she almost didn't have a single pick that wasn't projected at least a round or two later. She took Mahomes 2 rounds early, Waddle 5 rounds early, the Bucs DST 10 rounds early, Cobb 6 rounds early, Penny almost 3 rounds early, and Cook 4 rounds early. She literally got Mahomes and CEH and basically the rest of her team she could have picked up off of waivers. Positionally she had the worst RB and WR grade, which is kinda important. Moving to a ten team league basically has doomed her hopes. Draft Grade :
Best Pick : Darren Waller, TE - Round 3, Pick 21 (-1 vs ECR)
43 Worst Pick : Patrick Mahomes, QB / Froggie Jesus - Round 1, Pick 1 (-24 vs ECR) 23 |